The shoes didn't fit. It was an omen.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Character Blog: Lila’s Best Friend, Cynthia Miller

Right now, I’m in a hurry. Lila needs me. She’s hiding in a room at Motel 6 somewhere off I-75, going toward Orlando. Wished she would’ve listened to me. Wished she were hiding in my parent’s beach house. I offered that days before and the day of the wedding. “Too afraid of ruining her mother’s plans,” she said. Always has been, ever since elementary school.

I know she’s in trouble even though she’s gifted. She never listens to herself or what the other side tells her. How come I know she’s not crazy? Her mother seems to know nothing. Glad she’s not my mom. I would’ve committed suicide or something a long time ago.

That Max Butz is no good, and I knew it when I met him. His eyes are always bloodshot and he hangs with scumbags. So grody. Even his father, Mr. Butz referred to him as a peckerhead at the reception. Said he saw him and his skanky friends put something in the trunk of his car. Said his own son was no good. Even though Max’s mother said it was Champaign talking, everyone knows that booze acts like a truth serum. The religious nut’s hiding something, too. Know she is.

Anyway, can’t chat too much longer. My friend needs me and I wouldn’t miss any of this for the world. Would love to see the look on Babs-zilla’s face when the truth comes out about the person she pushed her daughter to marry.

Hope she stays put until I get there. She’s a little na├»ve about things, too. Not a worldly woman like myself.

I could see Anne Hathaway playing the part of Cynthia Miller.



What do you think?

Monday, February 21, 2011

Character Blog: Mrs. Butz

Dear Lord:

We’ve got a problem. Lila’s run off with my boy’s cash and the car. She’s got the family goods. Didn’t think she’d be a rebellious one. The months my son courted her, she didn’t say much. A quiet girl. According to my son, a virgin, too. Wouldn’t so much as give him a kiss, either. Nor did she let him touch her. Come to think of it, she didn’t smile around him much, either.

But I’m still believing she’s the one for my son. Still believing she’ll be great for the family business. I’m trusting you, Lord.

In the name of Jesus, let me find that girl. I pray for the wisdom and discernment to do so. (She bows her head and is silent for thirty seconds).

Yes, Lord. I hear you, Lord (She looks heavenward). Bring my .45 Magnum. Yes, Lord, I’ll keep her in line. Praise Jesus!

I can see Patty Duke or Jessica Lang as Mrs. Butz.


Patty Duke


Jessica Lang

What do you think?


Monday, February 14, 2011

Character Blog: Babs, Lila’s Mother

Schwoo…glad that daughter of mine is on her way to her honeymoon with Max. Didn’t think I’d get her down the aisle today. I mean, the girl did everything to stall her own wedding. Throwing a tantrum in the bridal room at me over that Spanish boy. Howie was no help as usual. The man is stupid. He always coddles her every whim, even if it’s a crazy one. The girl has him wrapped around her little finger.

Not to mention, she didn’t even show any interest in getting her bridal gown or shoes. I had to do it. In fact, I had to plan the whole wedding. The girl paid no mind to any of it.

And, she’s a scene maker, too….making up stuff. She did her best to embarrass me in front of all my friends today. All two-hundred and fifty. Announcing loud enough that her dead grandmother stood by me during the ceremony. That old bat helped make my daughter certifiable. A delusional schizophrenic. (She shakes her head) Glad the old bat’s dead.

It was one thing after another today, from her burping and passing gas down the aisle to loosing Max’s wedding band at the altar. I know I taught her better. ( She puts her hands on her hips). Oh, and then she pulled the cake table down on Max. What a mess that was. The girl had me to tears.

I can’t tell you how relieved I am that somebody wanted to marry her. Thank God for Tupperware. It’s what brought them together. No haste was made by him, either. I like fast workers. Within the first month of dating, he asked for her hand. What could I say? Accept, yes.

Glad the ink is dry for her own good. The girl can’t do much right. Seeing and talking to dead people. Dreaming ridiculous symbolic dreams. .

All I want is what’s best for her. One day she’ll thank me.

After all, a mother does know best. 


I do believe I could see Meryl Streep playing Babs. But she must have a red pixie, wear lots of blue eye shadow, and heavy dark painted brows. Babs is known for her evil brow.

What do you think?

Monday, February 7, 2011

Gram’s Blog

I remember the night I died from a UTI…my, my….of all things to die from, too. Now where was I? Oh, yeah… right before summer began, the cards tried to warn my Lila about that bad fella, Max, and his scallywag friends. Not only did the Tarot try to warn her, but her own intuition flooded in that night. Too bad the cards or, her intuition, didn’t name these bad boys. Unfortunately, that’s how it works sometimes. The fates leave it up to a person to figure certain things out.

In my better days, we practiced the gift of sight on Sunday afternoons. I found it special I mentored her but the child doubts herself no matter what. Very frustrating…(sighs) my, my.

The poor thing endured constant insults from the time she was small by her mother, Babs. That woman’s such a pooh. I’m amazed that she didn’t keep my granddaughter away from me because she sure kept her away from my son, her dad, Rick Bowman. What a shame, too. Because her stepfather, Howie, is no help. He’s a beaten, down wimp.

I can’t believe the woman allowed her to marry Max Butz. They only new each other three months. The fella’s bad news. He looks at my granddaughter like she’s something to eat. What kind of person drives around with drugs and guns in their car?  And, what mother would allow such a nice girl to marry someone she barely knows? (Sigh)

Oh, and then there’s his mother, Edna. Dear God. The woman’s not what she appears to be. Praise the Lord…my bottom! That’s all the woman seems to be able to say. And, she wants my Lila to be a part of the family business. Over my dead body…(chuckles) I’m already dead.

Oh, my!! (sigh) What’s a grandmother to do?

Some how, even though I’m in spirit, I’ve got to get this child to understand that she’s got a real gift and a voice of her own. I’m thankful God didn’t take me to the light yet. I’ve got a mission. Help my poor, Lila. She’s got herself in a real fix. Sad thing is, I can’t always manifest to help her or, send out my birds. Maybe it’s a good thing. She’ll find her own strength that way. Can’t be there to fight all her battles. But, I’ll do my best. Especially, when it comes to getting her to Julio. I like that boy.

Pooh, on what her mother thinks!

I can see Shirley McClaine as Gram.


What do you guys think? Any other suggestions?