Blurb

The shoes didn't fit. It was an omen.













Friday, June 15, 2012

Pot Roast, Apple Pie, Liverwurst and Mayonnaise Sandwiches

Good morning all! Before I go further with this post today I thought I’d tell you all I’ll be posting here the first and third Friday of every month for now. I need to focus on family stuff and my writing. Secondhand Shoes will be out this year. As of today, I’ve got 77 more pages to pick through before I send it to a friend for editing. Okay. Enough about that stuff onto the real purpose of my blog today. MOTHER-IN-LAWS.

If you’ve been married more than once, you can end up with some real winners. They can be the most evil peeps on planet earth, and I haven’t got a clue why. My first mother-in-law---we’ll focus mainly on her---was SPECIAL. So SPECIAL she caused all kinds of crap. But I’ll only bore you with one instance and it will give you the entire picture of what I dealt with.

Mother-in-law: My son’s favorite foods are liverwurst and mayonnaise sandwiches. Pot roast and apple pie.

Me: Okay. ***I jotted her information down***

Mother-in-law: He likes liverwurst and mayonnaise sandwiches everyday for lunch. And he likes his pot roast dinner served to him every Sunday. Make sure you make him an apple pie every week. He likes a piece every night before he goes to bed.

Me: ***I take these instructions to heart***

So for weeks I make him the foods I was told were his favorite. I wanted to be the best little wife ever.

Husband: Why do you make me liverwurst and mayonnaise sandwiches everyday? I hate liverwurst. And I hate mayonnaise more.

Me: Oh.

Husband: And I can’t stand pot roast. It’s too dry for my liking.

Me: Oh. ***now I’m really confused***

Husband: And can’t you bake something else besides apple pie like chocolate cake? Apple pie is boring.

Me: Oh. ***my cheeks went hot***

Husband: Whatever gave you the idea I liked any of these?

Me: Your mom. She told me they were your favorite foods.

Husband: She must have me mixed up with my brother or something.

Me: ***How can you mix up your sons? She was so specific?****

But this was also the same woman who thought spousal abuse was okay. Need I say more?

And before I leave, I’d like to share some clips from some of my favorite creepy mother-in-law movies. They inspired me to create Edith Butz, Max’s mother, and Lila’s mother-in-law.

Jessica Lang played the perfect psycho mother-in-law, in the 1989 movie, Hush. Here’s the trailer.

Oh and how about Jane Fonda in Monster-In-Law?

Anyone else have any scary mother-in-law stories to tell?

36 comments:

  1. I hope this comment posts. It took me three attempts to get in to read it. Blogger sucks.

    This is really funny, Shelly. You amaze me--with all you've had to deal with, you can still write so well. Bravo!

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    1. Yes. Blogger is retarded today. I've had my own probelms with it this morning.

      And thank you for the compliment.

      Delete
  2. There are some real 'winners' out there! Great post Shelly! And yes, I love your example of "Monster-in-Law"! Actually, my 2nd mother-in-law is good to me. Whew! My mother-in-law was not the probably; it was my ex! But yeah, it is funny how many mother-in-laws thing their sons like something that they don't! LOL. I've actually had that happen before. Just imagine having Norma Bates Mom as a mother-in-law? Now that would be psychotic!(Well, before her demise of course). Ha! Take care, Shelly!

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    1. Didn't Norman kill his mother and stuff her in the basement?

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  3. Yeah, I don't get why some parents take it upon themselves to make their child's spouse miserable. Such wasted effort.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jealousy causes all kinds of bad things.

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  4. Shelly, I have tears in my eyes from laughing and then I feel pain in my heart because I know how you must have felt. She didn't really mean to be wicked though-stupid maybe-a few marbles short perhaps, but I don't think she was evil. Very sweet. I bet you learned how to make some awesome apple pies though! Hopefully Sweetman appreciates them.

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    1. Evie:

      No. It was really intentional. I could explain further but I don't want this to turn into a Monday night movie on Lifetime for Women.

      Delete
  5. I know my sisters had bad mother in law experiences- one had a mother in law who was mentally unstable, and the other one was a vile, abusive monster. My brothers were much luckier.

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  6. Aside from calling me by her son's first ex-wife's name for eight years, my mother-in-law was ok.

    Your tale made me laugh though!

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  7. Fortunately my first MIL couldn't speak English (thank goddess I wasn't married long to that one).

    Second one loved me like a daughter--more even. I miss her.

    But you have a perfect MIL for the evil one you need for your story, Shelly!

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  8. @ Sir Wills: It's horrible when the mother-in-law is a complete moron trying to make your marriage a miserable affair.

    @Gail: You were soooo lucky.

    @Lorelei: Like Gail, you were very blessed to have a MIL that loved you like a daughter.

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  9. Sounds like you have a winner. Interesting post.

    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

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    1. She most definitely was and I hear from wife number three hear and there. She still is a winner-roo.

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  10. Years ago when I was around 16, I'd spend weekends at my Brother's house (who at the time was 30). One of these weekends, my mother sent a blueberry pie with me, because she knew it was his favorite.

    I got there and he sighed. "I've always hated Blueberry pie," he said.

    I asked why he didn't tell her, and he said he did. Multiple times.

    I was ok with this arrangement though, cause I was 16 and had a 16 year old's metabolism. That pie was awesome.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Matt that's funny. I love blueberry pie, too. And apple.

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  11. First of all, thanks so much for the detox tea recipe! :) I'm going to try it.

    I don't have scary stories about my mother-in-law, just a few minor irritations like telling me I stink (because I had traces of hairspray or perfume...long story...won't go there), or asking why I take so long in the one and only bathroom in her house, or inviting an old girlfriend of my husband's over for dinner when we were visiting (that really irritated me; it happened twice). :)

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    1. Sherry:

      Ooo I don't know. She soumds a little scary to me. I'd be irritated with the girlfriend thing, too.

      Delete
  12. My mother-in-law was very well meaning but my husband and I became vegetarian (eating this way for years) yet every time we visited her she always made ham and pineapple pizza and told us we could always pick off the bits we didn't want to eat.

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    Replies
    1. I eat vegetarian as well. And what I've learned is most people feel guilty when you eat heatlthy. So they try to trip you up. I go thru it everyday.

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  13. What a story! I don't have any mother-in-law tales, but there seem to be an awful lot of scary ones already, that's for sure. :P

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    1. Well, the day you decide to get married, make sure you check out your mother-in-law, too. They have the potential to make your married life miserable.

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  14. You think she was trying to break you up? Funny post. Probably wasn't funny while it was happening.

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    1. Tonja:

      As time went on, I figured she wanted the upper hand ane some kind of control. She'd make up things constantly. It's was more than annoying.

      Delete
  15. Loved your posting. The way she acted though made him sound like a momma's boy though. My mother in law was pretty decent. Loved the videos you added. I tried so hard to not be a Monster in Law, but when my son's brought home whacko's and druggies it just came out, idk. :/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes. He was a momma's boy. They were all nuts so to speak.

      Anyway, whackos and druggie need someone to get psycho on them.

      Delete
  16. I actually get along really well with my mother-in-law. She's a great lady.

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  17. I've been lucky in that regard - my husband's probably the one who has to put up a tougher mother-in-law - lucky I'm so adorable he stays :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Adorable will get you any where. It also has staying powers.

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  18. Great Post. My mother is lovely. She lives 3000 miles away. We get along great by mail.

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    Replies
    1. 3000 miles away does sound lovely.

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  19. Haha, hilarious :) I'm still single, but when I do get in-laws I'm sure it will be an adventure.

    Sarah Allen
    (my creative writing blog)

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    1. In-laws can definitely be an adventure.

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  20. hilarious! Finding awesome in laws must be like winning the lottery :)
    Nutschell
    www.thewritingnut.com

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