Blurb

The shoes didn't fit. It was an omen.













Saturday, November 29, 2014

Cleaning Out the Bitters

Generally, I don't care much for Holidays. Back in 98, when my younger daughter's dad left, I decided then I would drop them altogether. They held too many bittersweet memories for me anyway. Who needed them?

Things really changed after he left. Besides, it reminded of God's so called goodness. I blamed Him for everything that went kapoot in my life. Not to mention, the church people were cruel when it all fell apart. I was totally alone. Not even my family offered a shoulder to cry on.

It didn't help that the ex had all the five girls for Christmas and Easter every year plus every weekend.

Those days were especially dubbed for cleaning out my closets. It kept me from missing them and gave me a good excuse not to have to spend any spare minutes at mom's. She's another story that I've been writing about over at Two Fur-Peeps and a Writer, www.shellysnovicewritings.blogspot.com/ .

As for getting together with other family members it usually spelled disaster. So and so didn't speak to so and so and on and on. Everyone within my family had their own little clique leaving me somewhere in the middle. 

There is no excuse for bitterness and anger or trying to make people be something they'll never be. Everyone is what they are. No one can make another person self-reflect and apologize. One can only do that for themselves. Something I learned since I had a few bitters growing on my own unhappy tree. But it took time.

So for years, I spent holidays quietly at home. In 2005, I ressurected Thanksgiving. It was always my favorite holiday and least commercialized. It also forced me to reflect on and count my blessings. And stop ... Being so bitter about all the crap that had exploded into my life. Kaka happens! And since we can't change the past. One must go forward. Right?

I also discovered that God wasn't at fault here. Bad things happen either because of our own personal choices or someone else's. And if any of us are guided by our own selfishness to do or not do something, well ... God had nothing to do with it. If we didn't ask Him in the first place to do or not do something, why get upset over it?

The path to forgiveness has been a long one. And I know I'm not there yet. People and family can be downright mean, self-serving, and critical. But so can I. Although, I've been diligently working on those areas. 

For every wrong someone has done to me, I can say I've bounced a lot of bad basketballs off of them. 

Yeshua told us to forgive someone seven times seventy. To forgive is to love thy neighbor as thyself. If we can't forgive others, how can we possibly expect God to do the same for us?

And yes, our family members are our neighbors.

I hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving and all went well with their families this year.

I had a very special visitor on Thanksgiving Day.


His mom and dad tagged along, too. The mom is my youngest daughter, Sticky Bun.


And of course, my dad came. Hair Ball claimed him as his own for the day.


Is anyone out there working on forgiveness? 

Hugs and chocolate, all!
Shelly

25 comments:

  1. Forgiveness can be a bear at times to work through. I've learned that very hard lesson over time.

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  2. What a lovely photo of the baby. Forgiveness is a two way street. My mum hated everyone and everything. Not hating her back was hard and in the end I had to settle for acceptance. It helped, a little and allowed me to move onwards and realise that not everyone was going to love me.

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    1. He's definitely adorable. Mom's when you end up with an one is a hard thing to deal with.

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  3. Difficult one. I hope your improvement continues.

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  4. I'm glad you were able to resurrect Thanksgiving. And I think forgiveness is one of the hardest things.

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  5. Yes, kaka indeed happens. Depriving yourself of the good parts of holidays is sad. You can still have a good time (food, time off, movie marathons) without relations/family.

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    1. You are right. For years, I felt robbed because of the hinges that happened.

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  6. First love the happy happy baby. Best cheeks ever !
    I have lots to say about taking back the holidays but I will write about that my blog. 500 words and counting.
    I have found that forgiving someone like my x is impossible we still live with his abuse everyday. But if you turn away and do not give him any more power of you. We can move on.
    You can survive. Some actions don't deserve forgiveness but by walking away you are forgiving yourself.
    I know I am not writing this right but I hope you get the idea.

    cheers, parsnip

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    1. I get the idea. I see it as sometimes you need to just walk away in order to forgive. Seven times seventy is a lot. I, myself, survived to abusive spouses. One beat me worse than the other. I walk with a limp sometimes. My hips are a mess. But it reminds me that I survived those to hopeless souls.

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  7. Ultimately it's hardest to forgive ourselves. I don't blame you for wanting to avoid the family drama, but I'm glad you can have a proper family Thanksgiving now.

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    1. Yeah. To forgive is hard. But I came to this understanding, in a 100 years it won't matter. And it's not my job to hang onto what someone else did to me.

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  8. There hasn't been a family gathering (in my family), since my father's passing in 1999. So, whatever their problem, I just keep plugging. Dennis' family is the same. So, we are here, for one another. We keep each other together, and we know our coming together had to be by design.
    Chocolate Hugs!

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    1. Very sad how families can be to one another.

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  9. Oh man. Sometimes forgiving family can take years! I'm so glad you had a good Thanksgiving. Those smiling faces are precious!

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    1. It takes a lot of hard work to forgive. That is for sure. Love my grandbabies and my fur-peeps.

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  10. Wonderful photo of the proud parents, and their adorable baby! Glad you had a nice Thanksgiving after all, Shelly!

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  11. Keep working, forgiveness will happen. Whenever you hear ugliness coming out change it to something good. Enjoy the holidays.

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  12. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday too...I hate all the commercial crap that comes with Christmas. Are you a Jewish convert? I've found that converts (to any religion) tend to be more active in their faith...good on you!

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    1. Or rather, I finished my conversion in 2008.

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I'm dying to know what you think.